meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
