great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
