I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
NoShamevember. You game?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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