My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
