I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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