Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
