Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
