She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
