he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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