Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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