Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
