i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
