Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
