sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
