nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
