I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
