so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
