Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
They have beer where we have blood.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
