I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
