Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
