Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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