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Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
