you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
