ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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