Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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