just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
