Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
