Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
