just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
