next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
