I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
