When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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