and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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