Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
