I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
