what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
