Someone shit on the floor
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
