Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
