I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
