you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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