I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
should my penis look like a turkey
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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