He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
