After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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