lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
