Joe is yelling at the trees again.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
