birth control should be required to get into college
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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