I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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