After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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