I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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