I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
