Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
