i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
