Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
