Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
