Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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