It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
