Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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