Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
