I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
