The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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