yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
