Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
